Elchanan from Safed – Many long years of bachelorhood and an eternity of meeting “nice girls” but no lasting relationships led me to a Shefer counseling session. My Rabbi suggested it because at the time I was dating a woman who had all the right qualities, but I was hesitant to commit. This session changed my life! I not only gained insight into my own fear of commitment but the session also gave me the keys to understanding how many of my own behaviors that were revolving around the wrong axis. The amazing insight of the counselor helped me understand something fundamental about myself, and pushed me forward. It goes without saying, that a month later I was engaged and three months later, married!
Odeya from Gush Etzion: I came to couples’ counseling with the feeling that it was doomed to fail. My husband refused to join me, saying he didn’t understand why we should go. His attitude, his lack of sensitivity, and the feeling that nothing was going to change accompanied me to the counseling session. Despite that, I went, because my trusted friend recommended it. I knew that I was making a last attempt to save our marriage. During our session, I learned that the issue is mine, because everything is subjective – including the problems I seemed to be having with my husband. The way I defined my husband’s actions were actually my own definitions, and my constant attempts to change him were futile. I left the session with the new understanding. I chose to stay in the relationship, chose to live with him. It is not his fault that I wanted him to be different. This revelation changed many things. Two months later, he began to notice a difference, and asked that we go together to counseling. Since then it’s all changed…
Anat from Jerusalem – I went to a Couples’ Workshop. It was recommended to me, but I was sure that I would just sit at the edge of the circle and listen. By the second meeting, I discerned the non-judgmental atmosphere and I realized that the group participants had all come together in order to learn and solve problems they were experiencing. The openness of the group led to real learning. As soon as I felt free to work on my issues in the group, my relationship with my husband began to improve. I learned that my perspective is subjective, and the issues I was having are my own. Now I know that I can choose whether or not I will be offended or hurt, hurl insults in return, or fight with my significant other. This freed something up inside of me, and despite the fact that my husband did not join the workshop – when I made this change, it affected him as well. The tension and fighting has lessened significantly…
Bracha from Holon – The first thing I learned in the Couples’ Workshop is that not everyone has the same perspective. There is no absolute truth. I also came to understand that I am not the authority on what is right and what is not. I was so ashamed to discover how much I had passed judgment my husband, as if my way was the only way. Suddenly, I understood how, for more than 15 years, I had begun each day plotting how I would finally convince my husband that I was right and he was wrong. And for the first time, it dawned upon me that it could be the other way around, at least some of the time.
This simple, yet logical discovery changed my entire perspective! It took the wind out of all of the endless arguments we were having. This quickly improved the relationship between my husband and myself.
Yaffa from Beitar: I learned so much from the Couples’ Workshop. The revelations that came from it really had an impact on my marriage and on my social life in general. I came to understand that my perspective is subjective, and everyone sees the world in his/her unique way. I was constantly judging my husband and blaming him for our relationship issues, but I learned that I can’t change him, only he can change himself if he wants to. All of these revelations turned our relationship around! Instead of trying to change him, I started to work on myself. Now, instead of judging him, I accept him for who he is, and the results have been amazing!